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The Journal Of The InnKeeper
Ranty Lessons by Joreth
Purity Balls Not Just For Girls 
18th-Oct-2007 11:23 am
photography, Self-Portrait, personal


  Well, technically, they still are, but there is a boy-version too, called the Integrity Ball.  I kid you not.  It's equally detestable but for the opposite reasons:

Dating your parents: Not just for girls anymore  

That's right. There's now an event, sorta like a Purity Ball, only for boys and their mothers: the Integrity Ball. Why is this glamorous evening not called a Purity Ball, too? Because it's not up to young men to stay "pure." They just have to seek out a wife who is:

Baker told the young men that the women they had come with, their mothers, were somebody’s daughters, and they meant the world to those parents. He further told them that when they date a girl, she is somebody’s daughter, and they care deeply for her. 

Baker also told them that while they might not believe it at the time, the girl they may date in high school is probably not going to be the one they will marry. “So you’re dating someone else’s future wife,” he told them. He also told them that someone else may be dating their future wife.

“If you knew somebody was with your future wife,” Baker asked them, “touching her in ways you wouldn’t like, pressuring her, how would that make you feel?”

Even though it's a program for boys, it's still all about how young women need to be pure! Notice how they're taught that women always, at every stage of their lives, "belong" to a man. First daddy, then some "future husband" they haven't met, then a husband. The Integrity Ball speakers don't say that men will stand at the altar symbolically accompanied by all of their previous sexual partners. Nope, that burden is the woman's alone, if she hasn't maintained her purity.

Speaking of self-control and the meaning of sex, Baker told the young men, “Having sex doesn’t make you a man. Dogs have sex, but it doesn’t make them a man. Guys, separate yourselves from the animal kingdom.”

Sure, it's good to tell young men that they shouldn't pressure their partners into having sex. But of course it's never acknowledged that their girlfriends might have "animal urges" as well. All of the language echoes the same old abstinence-only stereotypes: "women are passive receptacles who don't enjoy sex" and "men are horny animals who can't control themselves."

And this is just amusing:

Mothers and sons then had an opportunity to get out on the dance floor together, enjoying songs such as “Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers, “Old Time Rock & Roll” by Bob Seger and others.

Think they were workin' on the night moves as well? And can you even imagine what the slow-dance to "Unchained Melody" looked like? They should call this thing the Oedipal Ball. I can't wait for the YouTube  video.

18th-Oct-2007 05:11 pm (UTC)
Wow, this makes me want to puke.
18th-Oct-2007 05:33 pm (UTC)
All of this just makes me so angry. Both sides, integrity and purity.

F'ed up. Ew.

18th-Oct-2007 06:23 pm (UTC)
Wow just wow! You know there are times I feel kinda kinky and I know I have friends that I would with out argument hang the moniker kinky on. But again just like their surprising penchant for airport unrinal hookups the good Christians of the work show me I know nothing about kink! I wonder if after this do mom and dad go home and imagine they are with little jimmy or little suzy when schtupping their lawfully wedded spouse? Or do they just cut out the middle man? Well I'm looking forward to the day when these dances have been going on long enough that we can examine them as a full statistical sample and see if going to these correlates with sexual abuse. Personally I'd be rather interested to find out. Or maybe thats just my desire for it to be statistically shown that this shit is fucked up.
18th-Oct-2007 07:13 pm (UTC)
Y'know, I went to an all-girl catholic school and we had a father-daughter dance. But we also had a mother-daughter brunch and in neither did we ever make any pledges or allusions to such, for "purity" or promise ourselves to our parents of either gender. The idea was to reinforce family ties, but it DIDN'T mix sex up in the event and it DIDN'T place our fathers as the keepers of our virginity. It was more like a wedding reception where there is dancing but you happen to be related to your dance partner with no overtones of young girls belonging as property to their fathers or future husbands.

Why do so many people not see how fucked up this all is? I posted about a song not to long ago where a father gives his daughter away and at her wedding, he basically tells his son-in-law that he (the father) loved her first. That's not a paraphrase, that's the title of the song. What's even more frightening are the comments I got in the youtube posting of it. I eventually had to disable comments because it just made me sick and I refused to argue any further with these twisted people ... I mean, I let them comment without responding, what else do they want? For a stomach-churing afternoon, go check it out!
18th-Oct-2007 08:06 pm (UTC)
Somehow it seems like people just miss the subtext to some things. Or that those things really have no subtext to them. Perhaps this ignorance brings them peace and contentment if so well fuck it good for them but and here is the big but I think something more complicated is happening here. People get the creepy possesive subtext and just attempt to ignore it to fit in. Like everyone in the room isn't gonna look at the elephant in the corner as it would just be too damn rude to say anything.
18th-Oct-2007 09:42 pm (UTC)

This continues to be disgusting and scary.

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